Some random ramblings in my mind after all that has happened to me (us) these past few weeks... just for my own personal indulgence. :)
- Almost two weeks had passed since our dear son's arrival and I must admit I'm still adjusting in more ways than one. Sometimes I experience this "pinch me, am I dreaming?" state-of-mind, usually kapag nagigising ako at nakikita kong may bitbit na bata si Mei. Haha! But don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, not even a bit. It's just that sometimes I can't help but wonder with how He works His way in our everyday lives. Who would have thought that after spending the Holy Week at the beach with friends last year I would be a husband to a loving wife and a father to a very cute boy exactly 365 days after? Magic? Miracle? For me I call it His will. :)
- Talk about mismanaged expectations. I've already conditioned myself during the last few days leading to Mei's delivery of Yohann para hindi naman ako magmukhang ewan at mas mag-panic pa kaysa sa manganganak pag dumating na ang takdang oras. Na-imagine ko na ang sarili ko noon as Mei's source of strength and her pep talk coach while she's having her labor pains. Kumbaga sa isang basketball game, nakapag-warmup na ako't lahat para ready na ako agad kapag tinawag ng coach na pumasok sa court. Nag-chewing gum pa para mukhang cool at astig na din. But alas, my much awaited moment to shine didn't come. Ni hindi man lang nga ako nakaalis sa bench, both literally and figuratively. Ang buong akala ko kasi pwede ko masamahan si Mei while she's having her labor all the way to delivery kaso iba pala ang palakad sa ibang hospital. The whole time she was there inside an isolated room with only the doctors and nurses to keep an eye on her while I was left with no choice but to wait for any updates or news about her and our son inside our room all alone. Those 15 hours of waiting were among the longest 15 hours I have seen in my life so far. Pinaghalong nakakabaliw at nakakabato. Hehe!
- After Mei gave birth, I took a picture of her while she was sleeping and recuperating right after she was transferred from the delivery room to our personal room. Actually, ayaw talaga niya ng ganung klaseng pic ever since kasi daw hindi man lang siya nakaayos at haggard na nga ang itsura niya. It's quite unflattering according to her. Naintindihan ko naman ang point niya but nevertheless I still took a picture of her (and even posted it sa FB hehe). Not because I just wanted to tease her or make a mockery of her looks then, but because for me that is the real face of beauty. No aesthetics. Without cosmetics. A fair face even after enduring 15 hours of labor and a major operation just to give birth to our son. That is beauty in it's purest form.
- Gaya nga ng sabi ko sa isang stat ko sa FB, yes I may have spent almost 3 years worth of my "savings" from our work para lang sa mag-ina ko but for me that is already nothing. Mas importante pa din na safe at maayos sila after everything they went through. Medyo nakaka-amaze lang kasi isipin na three years ago, I was a bit hesitant to join our employee's cooperative kasi iniisip ko yung ibabawas nila sa sahod ko every payday. Little did I know that it was God's way na pala of telling me na umpisahan ko nang mag-ipon for Yohann's arrival. When I pulled my shares from the coop to help us pay for the hospital bills and the magnanimous professional fees of the doctors, napangiti na lang ako. Bakit? Kasi yung naipon ko na pala after all those years was the exact amount that we needed to settle our dues. Believe it or not.
- Ngayon alam ko na ang sinasabi nilang mga nanay at tatay. Isa kasi sa mga naunang naitanong sa akin after Yohann came out was ano daw ang feeling ng maging isang first-time dad. I must admit that a lot of things were running in my mind during those times. Happy and excited but at the same time anxious and afraid. Kaya ko ba talaga siya buhayin at palakihin ng maayos? Will I be a good provider and a good husband and father to my wife and child, respectively? Totoo nga ba lahat ng nakikita ko at naririnig ko nung mga panahon na iyon? <Haha!> But everything changed the moment I saw my son for the first time. Sinasabi ng mga magulang na kadalasang naiinterview sa TV that they would do everything they can do for their child. Now I believe them. Iba pala talaga ang naibibigay nila, feeling mo superhero ka at kahit anong problema hahanapan mo ng paraan masolusyunan para lang sa kanila. I hope someday you too will feel the same way I feel right now kasi it's one of the best feelings a person can have in a lifetime. :)
